Do men and women experience sexuality differently?

You've probably learned a ton of myths about your sexuality. Today we are going to unravel one of them: that men and women experience sexuality very differently.

What is sexuality?

Sexuality is a broad term that names how we understand our bodies, sex and relationships. This means that, despite the common misconception, sexuality is much more than being “gay” or “straight”. Your sexual orientation is just one facet of your sexuality. Other components that make up your sexuality include:

⦁ sex assigned at birth and the gender you were socialized as;
⦁ gender identity;
⦁ sexual and romantic orientation;
⦁ values ​​and beliefs around sex, as well as those you were raised to have;
⦁ libido, interest in sex, and physiological and physical signs of desire and arousal;
⦁ kinks, fetishes and sexual preferences;
⦁ relationship with your body, sex and pleasure;
⦁ history of trauma;
⦁ past sexual experiences;

What do we mean when we say 'men' and 'women'

Usually when people ask, “How do men and women differ sexually?” (or something similar), they are asking specifically about cisgender women and men – or people whose sex assigned at birth matches their gender identity.

However, we aim to be more inclusive than that. So, for the purposes of this article, when we say “men” we are talking about all men, meaning cisgender and transgender men.

And when we say women, we are talking about all women, that is, cisgender and transgender women. We will also include insights as it pertains to non-binary and other gender non-conforming people.

What the research says

Unfortunately, most (if not all) of the studies on this topic only look at cisgender men and cisgender women and leave out non-binary and gender non-conforming people entirely. Curious about what these studies have shown, despite knowing they could be more inclusive? Here's the summary of it. Compared to cisgender women, cisgender men:

⦁ show greater interest in sex;
⦁ link aggression to sexuality to a greater degree;
⦁ place less emphasis on commitment in sexual relationships;
⦁ experience more stagnation and less adaptability in sexual orientation;

However, (and this is important!) this does NOT mean that cisgender men are innately and naturally all of these things. That's because education and culture play a huge role. Men and women are socialized differently and face different cultural expectations regarding sex.

Establishing the direct record on gender and sexuality

If you're reading this, you probably have some specific questions like: 'Do women like sex?' and 'Are orgasms the same for men and women?' So let's delve deeper.

People of all genders can masturbate

Society often promotes masturbation as a masculine act, but masturbation is something that people of all genders, sexes and ages can and do enjoy. Because, just like for boys and men, masturbation is also the way many non-men first explore sexuality, experience orgasm, and discover pleasure.

Gender is not what determines whether someone likes sex

Many people are taught that women don't like sex. Sure, some women don't like sex, but this broad, sweeping statement is misleading! The idea that men like sex and women is not a myth that needs to end, people of any gender can like and dislike sex.

People of all genders have the ability to feel pleasure during sex

It shouldn't be said... and yet it needs to be said. Women's pleasure is a topic that has long been neglected culturally, as well as in sex education. The result is that women's pleasure has been less of a priority during sex and this is known as the "pleasure gap". But women (and other gender minorities) can experience pleasure during sex.

Other facts that influence whether someone feels pleasure during sex include factors such as:

⦁ Age;
⦁ health;
⦁ personality;
⦁ sexual history;
⦁ mental health;
⦁ relationship dynamics;
⦁ stress and distraction;

Orgasms look similar for most sexes

Cisgender men and cisgender women can reach orgasm through different means. Common descriptors of orgasm in cisgender men and cisgender women included:

⦁ pleasurable satisfaction
⦁ relaxation
⦁ emotional intimacy
⦁ ecstasy
⦁ sensation of building, flooding, flushing, shooting or throbbing

Sexual dysfunction may be similar between genders

There are similarities and differences in sexual difficulties for men, women and people who identify with other genders. Some research has found that the most common sexual difficulty – low sexual interest – is the same across all genders. However, penis sufferers of either sex are more likely to report:

⦁ premature orgasm
⦁ erectile difficulty,
⦁ difficulty in orgasm

And vagina carriers of either sex are more likely to report:

⦁ difficulty in orgasm
⦁ vaginal dryness
⦁ low sexual pleasure

Factors that affect experience during sex more than gender

There are many, but here are a few:

⦁ Cultural, religious, and spiritual beliefs and educations: Cultural and religious teachings around sexuality can shape an individual's sexual behavior.
⦁ Trauma history: Any type of trauma can lead to nervous system dysregulation [interfering with the physiology of sexuality] and result in trust and intimacy issues. Examples of trauma include: difficult childbirth, natural disasters, car accidents, war, neglect, Abuse, sexual trauma.
⦁ Mental health: Someone's relationship with their sexuality can be impacted by depression, anxiety, bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD), psychosis.

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